I Am.

I feel like I have to write a blog post today.  I've been such a slacker lately. And now, today, I finally have a moment to write here and all of the ideas and thoughts and potential posts I have intended to write all week...gone..poof...just like that, I'm blank.

I don't keep notes.  I generally find that the good ideas come back to me and the ones that don't, well, they probably aren't that great.

Once again I fell into my old habits.  I started to doubt.  I thought maybe I should start writing more things down.  I felt frustrated by the lack of ideas.  So I took a moment to breathe, to think and that feeling didn't last for long.  Lucky for me, I'm not much of a wallow-er.  Instead I took some time to think quietly about things.  See if there were reasons why I couldn't create, couldn't remember and it didn't take long to figure it out.

Certainly life has been crazy this month.  I was so ready to get back to work on the new book, printed the manuscript, needed to live with it again for a awhile and with the start of school I thought for sure I'd have time.

But September has not been peaceful.  One daughter sick, then a second one.  A third daughter not adjusting well to early nights and early mornings and then of course, the chaos of just being a large family with only me at home to shuffle everyone everywhere they need to go.  A grandson to spend time with.

But now,  here I sit in an empty house.  Well, there are two dogs, mine and my daughter's friend's boxer puppy(oh yeah, I have a boy living here now, trouble at home, needed a place, brought his dog.) so not entirely alone but it's quieter than usual.  Nothing comes.  No muse, no inspiration, just silence.

Not even a poem in my brain, not a thought on demons and angels(new book), nothing but rain splatters against the window and a great cup of coffee made from some excellent west Africa beans and Red, my precious laptop. 

And now I'm thinking that's not a bad thing.

In the hectic moments, in chaos we are forced by circumstance to stand in the moment and be present.  To do what needs to be done.  In the quiet moments we often drift into thinking of all that we should be doing, worrying about the expectations and responsibilities of the next.

So I end up with this go nowhere post.  So what?  I know the rest will get done.  I know I'll write a blog post here one day that will blow your socks off.  But for now, this is exactly what I'm supposed to write.

We get so caught up in what we ought to be doing we forget to just be at peace with where we are.  I am so relaxed in this moment, so content, so exactly where I am supposed to be and I'm giving it my full attention just as I am forced to give my full attention to the hectic moments. 

Everyone understands about good moments and bad moments.  I am thinking perhaps we need a few indifferent ones too, to recharge, to regroup and strengthen our spirit, like laying on the floor prone after a workout.  It's usually the best part.

So I'm off to enjoy my coffee and my silence.  I hope you enjoy your day.

Namaste