LIving from a Place of Love instead of Fear.
I got a little off track recently, trying to hold on to something only to discover that what I was fearfully grasping at is as hard to hold in your hand as air. That thing was love and by doing so I thought I felt it start to slip away from me. It came to me hard and fast in meditation though, that I don't own love and that it is elusive and intangible and as easily gained as lost but only if you let it flow freely without constraint.
In considering why I was suddenly clinging to it I realised it was because of fear. I was afraid of losing it, of it going away. And by holding it in such a choke hold I could made it disappear, like those dollar store toys that slip from one hand to another when you squeeze them.
I also forgot, for a short while, to love myself first and foremost. In loving a person, I don't have to love all of their behaviour, particularly that which is hurtful towards me. That in becoming self reliant, while you share your life with others, you don't give it to them.
In the past I've touched on the idea that there are really only two emotions, love and fear. That all other emotions, happiness, anger, frustration, sadness often come from one or the other of these two.
In recent weeks I've been giving great consideration to this idea, both in my own life and how I've been conducting it lately and in the lives of those around me.
It as affirmed for me that a great deal of inertia, indecision and unhappiness stems from fear. People stay stuck in jobs they hate for fear of losing income, neighbourhoods they hate for fear of change and in relationships for fear of being alone.
Even within relationships people behave in ways to those they love in ways that are unfair and hurtful because of fear. They fear losing the person, censor by their friends, judgement by their families, anger from ex-spouses and a wide variety of other fear driven behaviours.
It often leads to stagnation in life, doing things the way you've always done them, though it's not worked in the past.
Then there is the other side, where I am happiest, living life from a place of love. In my world I love big and completely. I allow for the mistakes and follies of those I love though I do strike a good boundary in how I'll be treated by them. While I do get afraid, most times I am able to love enough to overcome any fear I have through meditation.
I love in such away that any person I love has the freedom to be who they are and live their lives as they wish. If they choose to do that in a positive and loving way I know their happiness is sealed. If they continue with fear and even try to love within the walls of that limiting emotion, often they find they end up having that which they are most afraid of happening, come to fruition.
Consider this applicable to all loves in our lives, that which we have for our parents, children, friends and yes, of course, our lovers too.
When within my heart, there is only love, fear disappears. You cannot love and be afraid at the same time. The truth is I've never had love go away. I've had people go away. I've gone away from people but I've never had a broken heart. This is because my heart can't be broken, its disappointments easily packed away in a place of acceptance. I still return all of the love that has ever been gifted upon me and know that more will come if I continue to carry on that way.
I'm human, I have many human moments but if I love you I will attempt to love you fearlessly. And if it suits your heart I'll leave you free to love as you please, whoever you please, and be happy for your joy in life as I'm happy for mine.